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  • Writer's pictureFaith Carlson, MA

Gratitude, A Master Key In Life

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”  – MARGARET YOUNG Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. Practicing gratitude allows one to appreciate the goodness in life. This can be an appreciation within oneself or outside of oneself. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power. There is a special reason you are here, today, in this place, experiencing this moment with the people around us. The essence of gratitude is awareness. Being aware of who you are, what you have, and the present moment in which you exist. Gratitude fulfills the deepest appreciation for what you hold true about yourself and what you see outside of yourself. The inner reflection of gratitude allows you to embrace all of which you are – what you have been through, where you have experienced goodness, and how you have prevailed in those trials of life. Gratitude…it extracts even from the most painful experiences in life, a degree of thankfulness that evokes the weight of tears. Gratitude folds into the hardships and successes of life.

Today choose to be grateful, for WHO you really are. And you are meant to fulfill who you really are with love…by love…through love. Your life is an experience that involves gratitude patiently waiting to be discovered in every day through every moment. 

You only need to set the vision of what you choose to be grateful for. The world will be your greatest partner in realizing this vision. Be willing and diligent in practicing the act of gratitude and your life will begin a journey of mindful transformation. 

Your job, today and throughout your lifetime involves discovering who you are, your abilities, to create the grandest vision for yourself and wrap this experience in gratitude. When you start to impart gratitude into your life experiences, all of life experiences begin to transform in perception and it is as though the universe itself lines up behind you. The tough day at work becomes a thankful day for having a job. The sick family member is reframed in thankfulness to be present and supportive for your family member or even thankful for the experiences and relationship you have with that family member. Those financial hardships become challenges that you are thankful somehow work out in the end. Gratitude can literally change your experiences and perception in life.  “When we meet obstacles with gratitude, your perception starts to shift, resistance loses power, and grace finds a home within you. – OPRAH How do we begin to discover the reason why we are here and how do we integrate gratitude into this experience? EXERCISE ONE: MEDITATION Have you ever noticed that life goes so fast that to stop and think about things you could be grateful for is not even a thought? The average person will have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. This averages about 35-48 thoughts per minute per person! This is a very think filter of our thoughts and feelings, our head and our heart. Research shows that about 80% of our thoughts are negative and about 98% of our thoughts are about the same as we had the day before. What this tells us is that if we can implement thoughts of gratitude, regularly, it can become a habit. It also says that we can reduce the negative thoughts and become mindful of the thoughts we choose to have. Thoughts of gratitude.  To do this we have to slow down, be present, and become mindful of our experiences around us to become aware of what we are grateful for. 

You have to become quiet with yourself – change is a process of self-excavation that comes from giving yourself time with you. 

Meditation is a phenomenal way to connect your mind to your body, ground your thoughts, and become in tune with yourself. It is focused, intentional and mindful. Give yourself at least five minutes at the beginning and end of each day.  Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Focus your attention on one breath at a time.  Go deep within. Find your center. Your strongest connection with the center of yourself, moving toward that core. Be aware of your breath. If your mind wanders, don’t worry. Let if flow back to your breathing.  Breath into the flow, ‘listen’ to your thoughts, what you are grateful for, thankful about, what brings you joy, gives you peace, and enlightens your existence.  Feel the peace. Use your awareness of your breath to anchor your attention to your body, your present moment.  EXERCISE TWO: EXPLORE YOURSELF

Now that you have been able to be still with yourself, and you have begun to slow down your thoughts and become more intentional about what you feel and are thinking, the following questions will help you explore what I like to call “authentic gratitude”.  If I was to ask you to think of one or two things you are grateful for in 15 seconds (remember we have 35-48 thoughts a minute) most people would say, life, love, family, health. The things we should be thankful for, but what if we went further? To help excavate authentic gratitude begin to answer these questions now. Continue to think, feel and write in the pages. When was the last time I experienced a moment of real joy? What was I doing and feeling? _____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ What am I taking for granted? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ What am I thankful for that is not material? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ “So much has been given to me I have not time to ponder over what has been denied” – HELEN KELLER

You are completely in control of what you choose to be grateful about and what you choose to be ungrateful about. You get to choose what you see in your life that encourages you in discouraging situations. You can get choose how you think, act, and re-act to experiences in life. You ultimately are in complete control of a life of gratitude.  “I read and walked for miles at night along the beach…searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.”  – ANNA QUINDLEN YOU ARE IN THE DRIVERS SEAT…

Your life is not just experienced “without” you. Your thoughts are completely yours, your perception is unique to you, and every day you are setting into motion a process that creates reactions. And with that process that creates reactions. And within that process, you have the power to help you build the life you want to have – an authentic grateful life. You enact the momentum of gratitude from the present experiences you have within yourself and outside of yourself.  Every circumstance in your life, every experience, action, choice, and everything you think – begins with your intention. Your intention forms your thought. Your thoughts then shape your actions. And, of course, every action – every choice you make – creates an outcome. You cannot participate in the cause without participating in the effect. 

You are in charge. 

Ultimately, the consequences of each of your intentions, thoughts, actions and choices create experiences in life that are yours – choices that you can be authentically grateful about.  Look at the intention in any given situation, and you will begin to understand what the consequences of any action or choice you make in that moment will be. What you choose to be grateful about reflects the world in which you see your self apart of. 

When you become intentionally grateful, you become authentically present in life. Your mountain of challenges become experiences of learning. Your struggles become your tenacity and grit for overcoming. Your sorrows become your compassion and empathy for others. Gratitude transforms outcomes of intention, thoughts, and choices. 

EXERCISE THREE: HABIT In the laws of physics, The Third Law of Motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every cause, there is an effect. Simply said, what goes around comes around. This law, one of the most powerful laws, helps determine every sequence and outcome.  Habit (intention) forms thought – thoughts shape actions – actions create consequences (outcomes).  Your habits automatically sets into motion your thoughts, actions, and outcomes. Even you being here at this workshop is a consequence of your intention, thoughts, choices, and actions. The sequence might look something like this:  Intention:  “I want a better life … I know there is something missing for me.” Thought:  “I want to do something for myself. Maybe a lecture on gratitude will help me begin.” Action:  “I will dedicate time to learning more about myself. I am going to leave my children at home with my spouse and attend the seminar.”  Consequence/Outcome:  “I am doing something I never do – I’m out by myself, for myself. I am here, taking a new step toward my best life.”  The process of making gratitude a habit is thinking about your intention, what are you grateful for, why are you grateful for it, what did you do that created this moment of gratitude, and how will you embrace and make this moment authentic gratitude.  When it feels like you have nothing to be grateful for in life…and this happens to all of us…life is hard. Remember that percentage of negative thoughts we have a day. We are telling ourselves how hard life is even when things are happening all around us that we can choose to be grateful about. Go back to this formula: What was your true intention that generated those thoughts, actions? How can you change that intention, to change the outcome for yourself?

The power of gratitude multiples when you realize YOU are responsible for your choices. Are you taking responsibility for your intentions, thoughts, actions and choices? You may not be able to control everything in your life, but you can take responsibility, and you can control your response to what is happening in your life.  A Form of Gratitude: Self-Gratitude

Self-Gratitude is about being mindful and grateful for yourself. While it is important to recognize the things outside oneself that we are grateful for such as our home, our job, our subscription to Netflix…it is just, if not more, important to recognize and embrace self-gratitude. Understanding what to be grateful about yourself involves a process of exploring your beliefs about yourself. This can be difficult, we all have positive and negative beliefs about ourselves. Being able to appreciate, embrace and be thankful for the “list” of positive beliefs is a step even further into “authentic gratitude”.  EXERCISE FOUR: WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF? POSITIVE BELEIFS: ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along.” GLENDA THE GOOD WITCH “THE WIZARD OF OZ”

EXERCISE FIVE: YOUR GRATITUDE AND YOUR GLORY

What does your light, your brilliance, your glory look like?  ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ What are five moments in your life when you have felt the full glory of who you are? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ What are the ten qualities you most cherish about yourself? ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ Journal Tips: Be Spontaneous:  Just grab a pen. When you feel an inspirational moment of being present and thankful, jot down a few words or a few pages. Enjoy expressing yourself without judgement. Be free.  If you get stuck you can always use the following phrases for help in getting started if you feel uninspired, discouraged, or tired.  Today I’m grateful for……………. Today I’m afraid that……………… Today I’m angry about…………… Today I need to remember………… Today I plan to change……………. Today I am happy that……………... If anything were possible, my life would look like…………… Today I open my heart to……………. Today I really wish for………………. Today I give myself permission to write about anything…………… Tomorrow I will imagine……………… Tomorrow I intend to……………. I would rather……………. I will shift my point of view to live more fully by………….


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